I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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