my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
