...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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