You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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