we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
