I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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