Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Help. Why am I so naked?
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