Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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