Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
