All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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