In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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