We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
bring money and cleavage
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
