It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
