oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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