I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
