Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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