just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Everyone says I win the strip club
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
