what if every blade of grass was a penis?
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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