'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
