Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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