He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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