dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
You're a waste of cheezeits
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
