Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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