so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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