help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
