I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
