we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
