Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
