there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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