I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
