one might say we're banned from that church
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
