Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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