Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
my shit smells like andre
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
