these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
In other news, I just burned my penis
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
