If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
