i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
