what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
