he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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