dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
