Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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