I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
