I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
