Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
