i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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