I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
