you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
