Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
