I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
