his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
