so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
