ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
The power of my boobs compel you
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Randomize
