On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
